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The Prognosis of Romance…

Moment of truth here. You know the kind of people who overthink obsessively and make a thing much worse in their heads than it actually is? Well… yours truly is the king of them all and resides in his mansion of mental doom! True story. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. Creating a scenario of what ifs until my head was ripe for explosion. And so naturally, that seeped into all parts of my life. Except work, I suppose. Work and writing. These have always been my places of solace. Places where I could either push aside the crazy or vent out on- i want to say a piece of paper but millennial so – a word document. It was all okay. It was all manageable. It’s in my head right? As long as it doesn’t affect anyone else…. It’s not a bother (self sabotaging thought process alert – but we’ll get into that in another blog). 

The real problem began when other people started getting involved and affected;  to be blunt, when I started dating.. You see, while multiple people make it easier to carry the baggage, it is unfair to dump all of it on the other person, and without explanation – which is precisely what I did. And like an infection, the thoughts started to spread out in the metaphorical limb, that was my relationship.

You can probably relate to the symptoms, right? Picking up on little words, actions and giving them the significance they most likely don’t deserve. I’m not saying all of it was unfounded, just that a lot of it was fueled  by a constant obsession that had, by now, become a part of me. So much so, that I didn’t always notice it was there. I did not give enough importance to the fact that other people have their own baggage. 

Cutting to the chase, a lot of excruciatingly long messages were exchanged over a period of excruciatingly long weeks, to the point where I thought I was almost done. I couldn’t sleep all night.

Now here’s the twist. 

Something completely unexpected happened the next day. That was the morning of the day I was planning to have “The Conversation” and before that I had to take someone close to me to the hospital for a routine check up. I reached the hospital all sleep deprived and dreading the evening that was to come –  And that’s when it hit me like a truck.

I saw the faces of people waiting on the benches outside the doctor’s cabin. Some expectant, some morose, some… hopeless? You see, that kind of hospital was rarely a place for great news. The fact that you had to come here meant you were either already, about to or hoping not to deal with a condition. THOSE were real problems. Those were SERIOUS problems. If despair had a face, that waiting room is what it probably looked like. While there were anxious people waiting on what fate had in store for them, here I was – obsessing over why a person would say something or not text for so long or couldn’t say what I wanted to hear. I felt as small as a grain of sand against the ocean that was before me. 

All I felt in the next moment was gratitude. 

Gratitude that my family was healthy and that I get to go home to them everyday. Gratitude that I was in a much better place even when I didn’t know it. 

PLEASE let me be clear – The problem or anxiety I was feeling before wasn’t invalid. This experience, in no way, should demean the loss of mental peace you can feel in a relationship that’s not working. Almost anything can be made to lose importance in a different perspective. 

All I’m saying is that my problems were not UNFIXABLE. My situation was NOT HOPELESS. I did have a certain degree of control over my actions as well as how I react to things. And that’s what I would do in the days to come. 

And it was liberating.

The problems didn’t suddenly vanish. But now I was willing to navigate them with an open mind instead of snapping at them. Now the dinner that was going to be difficult seemed to be the easiest thing in the world. 

I knew then, that we’d have quite a few hiccups for sure…but the overall prognosis was quite optimistic. 

The Millennial Cult

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